Category: Elder Folk
Hi all, memory of the way an older woman bossed me once at a camp for the blind made me think of this topic. usually, i was there with my own age group, but somehow, i ended up with the older folks. at that time, I was 18 years old, and the youngest one there, all the others being in their 60's. all the other older folk were nice to me, and i had no problem with them, but this one woman, sheesh, what a boss. I like to talk its true, but its not like i constantly run my mouth nonstop. a counselor had asked me if iwanted more bacon. it was breakfast atthe time, and i said yes. I hadn't said anything for ten minutes or so, so i started to say something to one of the ladies there who i was on good terms with, and this bossy woman i'm referring to said, well now you better not start talking, they're bringing you some bacon. I didn't answer her, because I wanted to say, and who made you queen? where do you get off? but i couildn't, because she was in her 60's, and i was only 18, and we have it in our minds, or at least we use to, that no matter what an older person did or said to us, no matter how angry or resentful we felt about something they said, we had to respect them, yet they say whatever they wanted, because they were much older than we were. the other woman who I liked said, well she hasn't said anything for ten minutes now, and i just said, yeah." my mom tells me i should've told her, well god gave me a mouth to talk, and i'm going to talk, but I was angry, and even under the best of times, i've never been good at those clever and witty comebacks. every now and then, you meet older people like that, who seem to get a pleasure out of bossing, because they'reolder and they can, feeling no one will say anything back becauseof their age, and if they did, they could play the age card, and say, well I never, and then accuse you of not having any respect fodr your elders. I never intentionally disrespected my elders when i was younger, so lng as they didn't provoke me by being especiallky mean and bossy. I think if something happened like that today, of course if the woman was in her 60's, i could say something, talk back, because I don't have that much further to go myself, but if say, the person were in her 80's, and I knew she still had a good alert mind and knew what she was saying, i'd probably say in this sweet tone, excuse me, but may I ask what this has to do with you? the point is, I was just as indignantly angry at her as iwould've been if someone my age had been like that, but coildn't say what I would've to someone my own age.
So, am i wrong, is it me, or do some older folk misuse their power and authority because of their age? When i was younger, I made a solemn vow, that when igrew older, if i do get that old, I will not use agejust to be mean and hatefull and say anything i like just because I am old, orolder. thanks, wonderwoman
Well, Wonder, my mom was that way. She was extremely domineering. But, I've been bossed around by younger folks. I just ignore them, or whoever's bossing me around, and do my thing. Still, if their advice is intended for my best interest, I might listen. lol. But my philosophy is, if the younger generation wants my help they'll ask for it. I'm not a dominating person. Instead, I gentlymake a suggestion. If they take it great. If they don't, they don't. lol. I mean, people have minds and mouths, and they can use them. Now, if I meet someone who's older than I am, I will listen to them, and learn from their wisdom, but not necessarily do what they say.
Hi dream lady,
I guess to some degree, if they're older, you might have to pretend to listen and say, yeah, uh huh, sure, but don't ever say whatever to my mom, she hates it, and thinks its being smart alecky, but I don't mind, I often say whatever myself, which can mean any number of things, like, well I don't think you're right, but I can't argue with you, or you're too difficult to understand, or any number of things. to me, using the whatever phrase seems like a neutral way to keep from arguing with the person. I didn't mind if they had my best interest and we were friends, but i just felt that woman was trying to boss and dominate just because she could. the strange part of it is, when i was that age, my mom was in her 40's the age i am now, and she seemed to take the womans side, and said, well she was thinking of you as her grand daughter, and i said, but i wasn't her grand daughter. even another woman the same age as she was thought it wasn't any of the bossy womans business. now, mom is a few years older than that woman was then, and when she got to be the same age as that woman, her reaction seemed a bit different, and then she said, oh she just wanted to be bossy.
wonderwoman
WonderWoman, I agree with your mother's dislike of the "whatever" phrase.
I think it's extremely sarcastic and disrespectful. Oh well, to each his/her own.
Yes, I've seen some grumpy older folks, but, haven't you noticed, there are sure some grumpy younger folks here on the zone.
So, I don't think it's too much an age thing, just a person thing. But, whatever!
Bob
see bob, I took no offense at all of your use of the whatever, for me, it's jus a laconic way of giving in in order not to get in an argument you probably won't win anyway. as for younger grumps on here, I've just been reading a few posts that remind me why i hardly ever post on the other boards since we got this board. this is so much more peaceful than lets talk, the rant board, and even zone bbs suggestions. I might read topics on the other boards once a month or every few weeks, but don't think i'll be posting as much on them anymore.
wonderwoman
I'm the type where I will naturally show respect toward pretty much everyone; For instance during class discussions, I usually have a hard time interrupting and still raise my hand to say something even though I'm in college. *smile* What I don't like are people who use, not so much their age, well maybe it has somewhat to do with that, but their, I guess social status/profession to bully people who would rank under them. Not sure if I'm making sense on that, but here's some examples:
Once during my senior year, I was at an ARD meeting which concerned some work I hadn't turned in. (Since middle school, I'd fall asleep in class and sometimes would not be motivated to do my work, as I was having some personal issues in my life around that time.) Anyway, to make a long story short, the director of Special Ed at my high school had told me weeks before the ARD that if I didn't turn in all my work, I wouldn't be going on the senior trip; (this work was just for one class). Anyway, so at the ARD, the director would ask me questions about my classes and classwork, and when I couldn't readily come up with an answer (because I'd never been in an ARD alone and didn't know what to say), he'd say "that's what I thought.", like he was trying to be tough or something. It really ticked me off, and I so much wanted to hit him or really make him feel bad or something because I know my mom would have never let anyone treat us like that, because we were tought to respect these people and to have them treat us disrespectfully because they felt they could was not right. But yeah, that or when teachers yell at or put down their students. Or when a person who works in a job that involves working with people is rude to their customers/clients. Those are the kinds of people I don't like and hope I won't be like because while a student, client, or younger relative should respect people who are in charge of/caring for them, those people should also respect the client/younger person as well. If the person's job is to instruct or oversee the other, of course it doesn't mean the other person can litterally always do or say what they want, but it also doesn't mean the person in charge of them can litterally do or vsay what they want to them either just because they are older or have some higher status or something. There has to be respect of each other on both sides.
Just to clarify from the last post, I wouldn't fall asleep and not turn in my work just because I felt like it, in fact, I would sometimes skip lunch and would rarely socialize with other students on my own time anyway and would instead go to the classroom or a little office that they had the Braille equipment in to work on something.
Hi princess leilani,
I aagree that there has to be respect on both sides, after all, if the younger ones haven't done or said anything disrespectful, but older folks are just rude or cranky to them just because they're older and can, how do they learn respect? I don't like people using their profession to intimidate people either, or I wouldn't like it if i'd had that happen to me.
wonderwoman
Hi Wonderwoman and all,
I think there are times that some people are miserable and they don't seem to be happy unless they can make others around them miserable as well. Thank goodness, some would rather be happy and laugh and many of these are contagious as well. That of course is preferable than the latter. I felt out of sourts today myself. There were times I really wanted to tell my wife off. I simply held my tongue and said a few things to myself to more or less get whatever was bugging me out of my system. More often than not, when one counts to ten, this prevents many unpleasant situations which could develop into an unnecessary argument about nothing and pushing tempers to their limits. Perhaps I just got up on the wrong side of the bed, who knows? The weather has been cold and this is depressing when it should be more like spring weather. Sometimes I just don't get to things I really need to get done. After a time, these things could come to a head if one isn't careful! During such times, one just needs to be patient and try to have some understanding of what might be bugging the other person.
I was in a nursing home where my Dad was staying before he left this world. There were people who acted more like children than a person in their 70s and beyond. They actually cried out like crabby children, it seemed most embarrasing to me! When people are losing it so to speak, they really need to be excused. They are no longer the people they use to be even though they still exhibit some of their more positive and negative behavior.
I think we all have been programmed to some extent in our earlier days to behave in certain ways and life's later experiences and our more mature thinking have shaped how we deal with life in general. How wonderful it is that we now have so many outlets we can come to so that we can be encouraged and feel better about ourselves as we seek and receive positive encouragement from each other. I feel sad for those who make life miserable for others but then if I seek out and find more positive people, this really lifts me up to where I need to be mentally and I become happy again.
For what it is worth!
Jim
Hi Jim,
well, I guess some people, like not being happy unless they're makind someone elsemiserable, i guess thats the way some peoplke are about bossing. they're not happy unles they're bossing someone else around. I've heard it said that sometimes when people grow old, they go back to being a child again. I'm not very good at being around people who are crabby and out of sorts. it usually makes me depressed and wanting to get away from them in the worst possible way. the weather has never reallly depressed me much, except when i have to get out in bad weather, now thats depressing. well take care, and hope the weather gets better for you soon. it was nice earlier today, but its turning a bit chilly now, and i think i hear a bit of rain now. I sure hope its not raining when we go out for our hamburgers tomorrow. take care and have a wonderful night.
wonderwoman